- I'm trying to sleep....

I'm trying to sleep, but the voices in my head are too loud, and I'm remembering all those things that I've done. So I turn to my side and face the wall, and breathe slowly. Close my eyes, open them, close them once more. I see THAT face now, you know, the one I told you about. Now, I know I won't be able to sleep. I suppose this is why most  people are insomniacs; the voices won't go away, the memories keep coming back, and people haunt them in the darkness of the night. I turn the lights on, sit on the edge of my bed and cry. Just a little bit, just to make it easier to breathe. I turn the lights off and try to sleep again... 
It's going to be a long night..

END...

Sigh..

It's the loneliest feeling in the world - to find yourself standing up when everyone else is sitting down. To have everybody look at you and say "what's the matter with her?" I know what it feels like. Walking down an empty street, listening to the sound of your own footsteps. Shutters closed, blinds drawn, doors locked against you. And you aren't sure whether you're walking toward something, or if you're just walking away...

END...

What's wrong...

Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past, 

stop planning the future, stop figuring out precisely 

how we feel, stop deciding with our minds exactly 

what we want our hearts to feel, sometimes we 

just have to go with the flow and just enjoy life.

End.. 

Blah..!

Every time

We are reminded

Of where we are headed

Despite the fact, that we can't help it.

Seasons change outside

Never to be the same,

Or to come back...

Like a tide.

So alone,

Just trying to store

Some of the memories

Of my happy diary.

So alone,

I wait.

For there is nothing to be done.

Waiting for the next disaster to strike,

Or the next memory I can store,

Or....keep trying to forget

That I'm alone.

Right here.

Waiting,

For the painting

Full of colors

That fate might have been planing

To paint

But instead,

Sucked all the colors by a straw

Leaving it, as a 'pending file'.

.....

I do this nowadays.

I leave my cab windows down. I leave my hair open. I let my eyes travel as far as they dare. Outside and inside.

An Old Diary ...

As I sat to write I remember nothing, think nothing and I just feel the silence of the night, It never scares me, the silence that is.. It always indulges my thoughts, it always purifies my soul, my tired little soul which is always trying to adjust to the wayward ways of life, battling the crowd and the noise. I feel lost in the crowd, Words feel like bullets and people make me feel alone. 

I have no answers for questions, I just move on with life, when someone asks me why I am the way I am, I just smile, Why? Does anyone find the answer for this? No. When the sun rises tomorrow I will wake up to the bright light falling into my lap, I get ready, I take a mask and wear it on my face, the mask of intelligence, the mask of confidence and the mask of smile and the cheerful me walks into the world, I blink for a moment at the brightness, and then I am a part of it all. 

But tonight, its just me and my thoughts, I am not lonely, I am just alone, no masks and no fear, no artificial smiles and I feel relieved, in the darkness the memories cover me up, and I just look into the sky, looking a the twinkling sky filled with stars a small smile comes on to   my face, memories.....

Old diaries, they have so much hidden in them, so many feelings and emotions just lying there, in the form of words, and some, in the form of blank pages' :)

I walk back into my room, closing the doors behind me, covering the drapes, I no longer can see the sky, neither can I feel the silence..... i close my old diary, its almost falling apart, I safely put it in back in to the shelf, hidden behind a pile of books, its just a memory. 

End...